Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Manners Matter

There was a time when parents tried to teach manners to their offspring. Little things like, please and thank you, were emphasized at home in the hopes that once in public the children would remember the social niceties. Many of us parents of today, still struggle to pass on this increasingly archaic tradition of teaching our children to be...well, nice.

After reading another blogger's post about people who don't greet others in passing, I got to thinking. The problem today isn't just other people's children being rude. The problem is really that their are just so darn many rude adults roaming around out there. No wonder so many kids don't have a clue how to behave!

Yesterday I personally was the victim of two blatant cases of adult rudeness. Both of these were perpetrated by other parents in front of their children, which to me just makes it worse.

I was up at my daughter's dance school, minding my own business, while I waited for her ballet class to let out. While I was watching the class through the window, a little boy next to me kicked off his shoe. It landed at my feet, so I bent down to pick it up, and handed it to the boy's father, saying with a smile, "Here you go!"


I got nothing in acknowledgement. Not a thank you. Not even a smile. I was mildly irritated, but went back to focusing on my daughter's class.

Then, after class was over, M-girl and I were walking out of the studio through a set of double doors. There was a girl in her class walking with her father, just a couple of feet behind us. Being that I generally try to avoid letting doors slam in people's faces, I held the door for them. TWICE.

Again, not a word of thanks. I have to admit that after the first door I was a wee bit tempted to let the second one slam, but I have to set an example for my own daughter so I refrained from doing that.

Is it really asking too much for others to practice common courtesy? To invest a split second in saying "thank you" or even giving a quick smile of acknowledgement? Dare I suggest reminding the child to use their manners?

Perhaps, for some people today, that really is asking too much. It's just that for those of us who still strive to practice the manners of yesteryear (and I know there's plenty more of you out there), this can be a bit vexing.

Happily, I think I've come up with a solution that would work for everyone. If those people who choose not to use the manners that I know their mamas must have once taught them, would just kindly identify themselves to the rest of us, we'll leave you alone. I would suggest a badge that could be attached to shirts. It could proclaim something like, "I'm rude", or "Uncivilized". That would be a signal to all around them not to waste social niceties on them.



Think of all of the aggravation that would save! If only those gentlemen men had been wearing something to identify themselves as boors, I wouldn't have felt obligated to exert myself on their behalf. I would have left the shoe untouched (or perhaps even kicked it aside) and swept through the doors without a thought for those behind me.

Aaahh! What a thought! Even writing this has me cringing. I have to face facts. I am just not a rude person. I wasn't raised that way, nor am I bringing up my own children to act like that. Instead, maybe next time I am met with such rudeness, I will sweetly but loudly say, "You're welcome!"

Take that rude people!


linking to:  Pour Your Heart Out

28 comments:

  1. Actually in their defense (men) I have a feeling that those men DID in fact grow up with manners...but let's face it, Women's Studies have not exactly been helpful in how women treat men. I have talked with tons of men, my sons included who are CONSTANTLY bombarded by hostile women (of all ages) with the assumption that a) men think they are better than women b) all men want to rape all women or something along those lines. I cannot believe what my twelve year old has had to put up with already and what my husband has to put up with in the workplace.

    Is it an excuse? No. But its like beating an animal for too long...eventually it will bite. Know what I mean? I am not saying men are animals...that is just a saying I grew up with for situations such as these.

    I am teaching my sons manners, but not based on gender, just on politeness and acts of kindness. Maybe that is where things have gone wrong...manners through history have been based almost exclusively on how men treat women, but not on how women should treat others.

    So this comment is long and I am stopping now. Great post, it gives a person tons to think about! Thank you! :)

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    1. Honestly, I wasn't thinking of it as a man vs. woman thing. I just found the total lack of acknowlegement rude, as I've found it in similar situations with women. I do my best to be pleasant to others (the whole golden rule thing) and when they are so blatantly not in return, it rankles.

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  2. Yes that guy should be getting the door for you! It really is sad how many people seem to have forgotten just simple little common courtesy. A thank you and a smile can go a long way- use them people!!

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    1. Exactly! I wouldn't dream of not saying thank you for a courtesy extended to me, and I appreciate the same in return.

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  3. Manners DO matter. Except the people who don't have them are so clueless that I don't even know if they would get the message in your "your welcome!" It's a shame.

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    1. You're probably right that they wouldn't get it. It might make me feel better though, to at least try.

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  4. ah, Patricia, I totally feel your "pain" every time I don't get "thank you" or "i'm sorry" I try to think that there is a game in which the fewer "goodies" I get, the more I'm gonna get in return later on;-))) It has been saving me from going all mad and angry and it's been working so far;-))))) I love to see that there are other people that try to prove that politeness should be the NORM, not exception! Thank you!

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    1. Yes, it should be the norm! Just think how much nicer the world would be if it was.

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  5. It is amazing! Some people just don't pay attention to the niceties in life.

    On a similarly note, my 2yo said "bless you" yesterday after someone sneezed... I was proud... :-)

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    1. Oh, doesn't that just warm your heart as a mom, when your child starts to understand how to act to others?

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  6. I want a rude button! People say it to me all the time--more accurately my wife tells me I'm being rude. So why not warn folks in advance. If they see that button and still want to talk with me, they get what they get.

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    1. Haha! See, at least people would be warned. On a side note, I made rude buttons for my kids to model for the picture. Now they don't want to give them up. Sigh!

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  7. I am always bewildered when people don't acknowledge it when I hold the door for them.
    Sue

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    1. They must know we're not paid to do that, right? Come to think of it, I'd still say thak you to a paid doorman!

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  8. It irks me like no other when I have this happen to me (or even observe it happen to others). I remember my parents enforcing those manners into my daily routine. For that reason I hold open doors for strangers, say please and thank you (in just about all cases), say "bless you" when someone sneezes, I don't stare at people, I look people in the eyes when I talk to them, and I don't fidget like I am bored when spoken to (even if I am).

    I worked at a day care center for awhile and it always blew my mind to see how awfully rude the parents were to each other (not to mention the teacher's or aides on occasion) almost always in front of not only their own children but everyone else's as well. It makes me sick to see grown adults act worse than children. What do they think they are teaching their children?? To be rude, just as you stated.

    When people don't say thank you when warranted, I ALWAYS say "you're welcome" very loudly. Usually it embarrasses the person enough to realize they were rude and most of them will mutter a quick thank you and hurry off. It's good strategy!! :)

    http://rantingsofamouthybitch.blogspot.com/

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    1. I think sometimes people think that if they themselves are tired, hungry, or in a bad mood, it's OK to take it out on others. Well guess what? We all experience those things, and no, it's not acceptable to be rude because of them. Yikes, I bet you did run into some unpleasant people at work!

      I'm going to try the 'you're welcome' strategy!

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  9. Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, I SO feel you! This rudeness this is just getting out of hand. I was JUST having this discussion yesterday! How can we expect children to have manners when their parents do not? I mean, seriously where would they get manners from if their parents do not have them? Doors held, a simple hello when you come into a room, saying please AND thankyou and simply acknowledging when you are being spoken to WITH YOUR VOICE is just RIGHT! Keep raising your children with manners. Hubby and I are trying really hard over here as well!

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    1. It's not easy these days to instill manners in kids - they see examples of rudeness everywhere. I'm glad to know that we're not alone in trying!

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  10. Crazy, what's up with not even a thank you for holding a door? I've had that happen to me, and I often say You're Welcome out loud.

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    1. I'm so going to do that next time! The rude person probably won't even notice, but it will make me feel better.

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  11. YES, YES, AND YES! People are so rude anymore. It's terrible.

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    1. I don't know how they live that way. Being polite is just part of who I am.

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  12. Oh this is too true! Sign me up for some of the badges to had out--ha!

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    1. I'll put you on the list. I'm sure they'll sell like hotcakes!

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  13. It would be funny to hand out those stickers to rude people. ;)

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  14. Grrr... I agree! How hard is it to just say Thank you?
    I like the idea of the badges! LOL

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    1. It's not that hard, right? I think I need to get to work making some more badges!;)

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